White Dreams - Merry & Pippin
by fuuh
Summary: Merry and Pippin both confront each other of a dream they have been having. Songfic ^_^ R


yatta! my first merry/pippin fic. :) it's not gonna be slash though, HA HA. that's kinda stupid to say, since we all know they're cousins and all. *walks away coughing*

ok, so...it goes to the song, "Pitseleh" by Elliot Smith. ^^

Minor note: Haven't ever read all of RoTK, so if I made mistakes, tell me. ^^;

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_**i'll tell you why i don't want to know where you are**_

Merry awoke in his sleep, heart pounding, palms sweaty. He almost didn't know what it was that shocked him into waking up. "A dream," he mumbled. He looked aside him to find Estella, his fair hobbit wife. She reminded him of the present, and what use to be. Merry snapped out of his reverie, however, to the banging of the thunder's voice. An echo swam throughout his mind, and he sat up, holding his head.

"How long ago was it?" he asked himself. Merry knew it wouldn't matter now; what's over is over. He couldn't do a thing to bring it back or help in any way. "I never got to see him depart though."

_**i got a joke i've been dying to tell you.**_

His tears beamed in the night. "Damn it," he murmured. "Why do I think of this so suddenly?"

He slid himself up from bed, trying not to awake Estella at all. He really didn't feel like telling anyone his disposition. Everyone who would understand was gone...except for Peregrin. "Ah, Pip would hate me if I woke him so suddenly," he laughed. He walked slowly through the rounded doors, reaching the kitchen. He placed a kettle on the fire, and sat at the small table where he would write stories in favor of memories, and possibly smoke.

"Sounds like a sastisfying idea, Meriadoc. Maybe my feelings will lose track, and I won't feel this way." He grabbed his pipe, and reached for his matches in his pocket...wait, it seemed he had forgotten them in his jacket. He took his hand from his chest, and walked across the moonlighted room.

_**a silent kid is looking down the barrel...**_

The warm summer evenings had allowed him to go outside without a coat anymore. Dreary, everything seemed lately. Pippin was consumed in work, as his Faramir had married Sam's Goldilocks. Samwise's children had been doing well, with both Rose and him gone. And well, Merry, he seemed commited to everything he did. "Am I the only one that still aches?" he wanted to cry.

He reached his coat, sleeping near the door. The Moon greeted him, and he greeted Her back with a content smile. He peered through the window, noticing a black figure out in the dim waves of night. The silhouette notioned to him, it's actions calling out, "Come here, Merry! It is an important matter!"

_**to make the noise that i kept so quiet...**_

Merry waved his hand, and the person waved back frantically. Merry smirked a bit, and grabbed his coat. The first touch of the night held to his body, making him shake with a cold dance. He buttoned his jacket that was open upon his bare body and walked over to whoever it was caustiously, and shouted, "What do you want? Can't it wait...It's going to rain soon." "I don't think it matters right now, Merry," a familiar voice rang.

"Pip?" "Yeah, I know. This is very sudden...but..."

Drums disturbed the Moon, and clouds of black forcefully covered her. Rain beat lightly against Merry's tangled, just-woken hair. Merry squinted, as the rain beat harder, and the image of his cousin had become blurry. "Pip? Pip!" he yelled aloud.

"Here, Merry! Quick, follow me!"

Merry tried to grab hold of Pippin somehow, but couldn't through the dark fortunes of night and rain. Merry danced sorrowfully on the balls on his feet, from the cold embraces of rain. Thunder roared, and lightning began flashing on and off like Merry's mind had for the past while. Merry gave a silent gasp and fell backwards, landing against an outgrowing root.

_**i kept it from you, pitseleh.**_

He winced in pain. A bruise left it's trail down his back, and tore his coat from behind. _Hell,_ he thought. _My favorite coat. My only coat..._

"That's right," a flash of rememberance came like the lightning that had been conquering the night. "Pip. Where did he go?" The lightning lid up the sky in white, and posessed Merry's thoughts with the dream he had. He screaming, trying to push himself up from his tangled confusion, but only fell back, screaming more. Try again, is what he'd do.

He pulled himself up from what seemed like an abyss to him, but was only a ditch, and that outgrown root. The right part of his coat had torn off completely, leaving only his left arm covered. He almost wanted to laugh. Then again, how could he laugh anymore?

_**i'm not what's missing from your life now, i could never be the possible pieces...**_

Pippin ran with all speed his hobbit feet could carry him, lest he had no idea what direction he was going in; he knew where he wanted to be. A safe place, with Merry. "Don't worry Merry," he shouted without looking behind, "We'll be there soon!" It stormed upon him madly, the rain tried to knock him back. He knew too well not to fall down so easily. Especially now; now was the time you'd last want to push him down. Too much stabbed his heart, and as much as he tried to hide it, he wanted to show it.

The lightning screamed at him, warning him. Wanting to rip him, shatter him, burn his soul to cinder. The wind toyed with him, throwing rain in his vision, despising him. Was that all that was left, now?

**_they say god makes problems, just to see what you can stand..._**

Well, either way, it didn't matter now, and never would again. Never again.

**_before you do as the devil please, and give up the thing you love..._**

Merry held his hand to his bare heart. The wind stifened him, and his eyes twitched from the rain in his face. He wondered where Pippin was or how he was doing. Or what caused him to come out so late. Was it the same reason he himself woke up in the middle of the night?

Merry couldn't possibly think of where Pippin would go. Certainly not back to his home; it was too far away and he had ran in a completely different direction. He had to be reaching for a sanctuary from the rain, and the pending lightning. "That's it!" The wind caught his voice and sailed it into his ear. "I know where Pip is, I know where I need to be."

He ran against the chilling strokes of the mournful wind. Just for him to think of his warm bed, how he was in his house wanting a cup of tea, and now he was running through a dark Shire night, searching for the one place he could call welcoming. Merry scrambled wildly through sharpened branches, ripping sleeve and flesh upon him. He reached to his fine cut, and wiped the blood gently away from the thin opening.

Blood could gather again and again; he could bleed through the small wound all his life, slowly wearing away. He wonder what it was like to depart in a world of white. To depart into a place full of anything but black.

_**but no one deserves it**_

Bliss. It reached his mind, and spread throughout like a disease. Happiness was a disease. A shame to be happy, when all in your life that was worth living was gone. How could you be happy then? Would you be able to handle the triste reasoning of a friendship now spread like butter on a thin line of life and death?

Merry had no time to question what it was he was thinking. The dream had cast such an enchantment; he forgot about his wife and Pippin. "How could I forget Pippin?" he cried. "Pippin, not only a cousin, but a dear friend. One of whom I share my life with. I had faced so much with him; I owe all to him.

"I do not think such a friendship as ours could fall off a thin line. And though Frodo is long gone, along with Samwise, our lines have not broken either. Though we are distant, we are both in spirit and mind. Hobbits like them could never be forgotten..."

He reached a cave small enough for a hobbit. He smiled, remembering how him and Pip would pretend it was a lair of a great monster. He remembered once listening to one of Bilbo's charming stories and running off with Pippin. They had hidden self-made swords made of two twigs tied together. 

He laughed aloud. _I always use to make Pippin the beast!_ As he laughed, he heard a defensive voice call out, "Stay back, who comes near?"

Merry stared at the opening of the cave motionless, hoping it wasn't really a mad hobbit, or a man.

He laughed though, as the familiar feet of Pippin appeared from the abyss of the cave, holding an old sword. He glared at Merry heavily, holding the sword out with his shaking arm. A warm feeling overcame Merry, and knowing Pip wasn't serious; laughed. Soon enough, Pippin's childish laugh joined in.

_**the first time i saw you, i knew it would never last**_

Merry twitched his back, signaling Pippin of his wounds. He was supported into the cave as Merry carried him, and they sat along a long built fire Pippin had made. Merry rubbed his hands together, and said in a usual tone, "Brings back memories, doesn't it?"

"Yes, yes it does. Almost upsets me. I miss being an young one. Come to think of it, I miss my tweens. I miss being with all of Frodo and company," he reluctantly said the name 'Frodo' as though an omen. There was a vast silence, interupted only by thunder. Lightning whipped like Orcs, rain fell like the Falls of Rauros, and thoughts focused on one thing. "You had a dream, didn't you?" Merry sad out of the silence.

_**i'm not half what i wish i was**_

Pippin's weary voice was reluctant, "Not just this one. Many."

The fire danced with his tears, reflecting all that was to be told. Merry wanted to put a hand on his cousins shoulder, and say "It'll be alright, Pip." He would of gladly offered to let Pippin cry on his bare shoulder; but Pippin resigned. He looked back up and Merry and tried to smile. 

"Pippin...I can't remember my other dreams, but this one stands out as smooth as alabaster. I dreamed of being on the white ship with Frodo, departing with the Elves. I dreamt a world of white, where everyone I loved was by my side never to leave. Damn it all Pippin, I miss both of them with a striving passion. I miss everything."

Pippin couldn't hide behind a window of tears anymore, the window had to brake. "Frodo had to leave though..."

"I know, I know...but I'm aching so much lately. I dearly wish I could of seen him off."

Pippin slid his sleeve across his eyes. The tears and rain mixed in, making a bitter taste. Tastes of bitter pain, scorned memories, and regretful pasts mixed with smiles and songs.

Didn't taste very well.

_**i'm so angry, i don't think it'll ever pass**_

Merry stood up, his feet pressed against the sharp rocks. He walked over slowly to Pippin, and bent down into his view. His face met with his. His bright eyes blinked back at Pippin, and Pippin's stayed blocked from view with puddles. "It's alright, dear Pippin," Merry whispered. "I'm still here. Both of us. We're the last of the Fellowship. I know it isn't an intriguing thought...but I'm here. We have memories, and we have stories to share." He grabbed onto Pippin's hand and smiled wholeheartedly.

Pippin wrapped his arms around Merry's waist and cried. Merry only hoped he was making a different to Pippin. He placed his hand slowly onto his curled hair, and patted it.

_**and i was bad news for you just because...**_

Pippin pulled away from Merry, blinking away any remaining tears. "Merry, I hate missing them. It aches..."

Merry placed a hand on Pippin's face, softly saying, "It is...I know..."

"But Pippin," Merry consulled him. "That's what our lived are about. People will come and go. I both love and miss them too; but I have to move on for their sake." Pippin nodded, and stood up. He went around the cove of the cave, in almost a dance. Merry stared in a confused awe, almost wanting to smile. He felt strangely matured, even for his age. Pippin was his cousin, his greatest friend, and meant a thousand worlds to him. Just as Frodo and Sam did. They were his worlds. And he had to take care of Pippin in order to never let those worlds die, or his only light fade.

_**i never meant to hurt you.**_

Pippin turned around with a cry yelling, "Now, foul beasts!" He held the 'sword' high in his hand with much honor. Merry, almost wanting to fall over in laughter, chased Pippin, with his best roar.

He fell to the ground finally in a great laugh, with the sword stuck between his arm and chest.

Pippin walked up proudly, placing his left foot upon Merry's flat stomach, and shouted so the walls would shout back, "I have slain thee!"

The night ended with two warm hobbit hearts, as Merry pulled onto Pippin's ankle and he fell in a flash of light into Merry's arms. If they were to live on without speaking to neither Frodo or Sam again, they could at least live together in memory of them, and live again for them. 


End file.
